BPD

I used to visit a pretty famous therapist in Korea about a year ago. Filled with skepticism, I couldn't make him my true confidant but instead picked and chose what I would say to him.

One of the things I also carelessly overlooked was that I was diagnosed with a minor case of Borderline Personality Disorder. Minor or not, descriptions of mental related disorders in general can be pretty ambiguous. The diagnosis is based on how many symptoms and behaviors among the list does this person exhibit.

My symptoms would be
1. Dramatic fluctuations in emotions: When I am happy I am happier than anyone else, but when I am sad, you don't want to be there.
2. Devaluation and idealization of others: I am sometimes very judgmental, of which the criteria can also be pretty personal as well.
3. Misreadings in other people's expressions: I am very sensitive to how others feel in my presence. I easily assume that someone doesn't like me, and I often victimize myself. This isn't as bad as it sounds. In a nutshell I just have a hard time when it comes to socializing.
4. Angered at things that others cannot understand: The train of thoughts leads me to weird conclusions sometimes. By 'weird', I mean irrational, overly pessimistic..

There are actually a lot more things, but too personal and private to divulge so easily. I have tried to understand what I am going through and why my life has to be so difficult when it is actually very flawless.

One obvious thing is that just because I can analyze what I go through, it doesn't mean the behaviors can be stopped easily.